People are often wondering and discussing things like, “How to talk to girls?” or “What will he think?” or “How do I get him to notice me?” or something on those lines... Whether you accept it or not, everyone wants to be in love with someone.
And everyone wants some one to love them! But, the problem is, few people know how the whole process of “love” is done! Actually, “love” is a very natural thing. If you just rely on your instincts, you will get it right! But the problem is, now-a-days almost no body knows how to rely on their instincts. Everything people know about “love” comes from “advertisements”, “movies”, “T.V.” etc.But, the problem is “advertisements”, “movies”, and “T.V.” etc. are not interested in telling you about the “true” nature of love! They are interested in selling their products and making money. If they start preaching the “true” nature of love, their products will not sell and they will not make any money.
This is because, the true nature of love is not half as “glamorous” as they show it!What will this article do for you? In this article, we will look at love from the scientific point of view. People have many questions in their mind about what they should do, how they should do it etc.! To find out the best solution to these problems, many experiments have been conducted. What we have done for you is, we have answered many of the common questions that people have, by telling you what was understood from these experiments.
Basically, we want to do all this, so that you can forget all the rubbish that the media and your "confused friends" have told you. It will help you understand things the way they are. If you do understand things, you should be able to make anyone fall in love with you…Please Note: All the information provided here is a result of certain scientific experiments. However, we have not provided, in this article, how the experiment was done etc.
We have not provided this information mainly because no body cares! Most people are only interested in what the conclusion of the experiment was i.e. what they should do! However, if you are interested in the experiments, you could always pick up the copy of the book, “How to make anyone fall in love with you? – By Leil Lowndes” This book covers all that information.
How to make a great first impression with proper eye-contact!
Body language is a huge part of love. You see, scientists have studied couples in every stage of their relationship. At different stages, the couples have different body language. But, there is a definite pattern of body language that is followed by all couples. Nobody taught you this body language. You just know it. You knew it when you were born.
Then the media and friends etc. confused you. Just to give you an example: When two cats meet for the first time, they stop and look at each other. If one hisses, the other bristles his coat and hisses back. However, if the first kitten gives a little nudge with it’s nose, the other kitten responds in a similar way, then the two cats end up purring together and licking each other's coats. In this case, the right body language for the cat to make when he first saw the other cat would be to nudge the other cat with his nose.
If he were to hiss instead, he would spoil the relation with the other cat. Human beings also have similar body language practices when they meet for the first time. But, the problem is most people are confused about them. Most people are not sure what they are supposed to do. They do not rely on their instincts and so they do not know what is to be done. This is what “first impressions” are all about.
If you do not do the “fist impression” right, you will never be licking each other's coats.Here we have tried to provide you with the best way to go about your first impression.
The most important part: Eye Contact
A man may be classified as a breast man, a buttocks man, or a leg man. And, although women will insist they are not, most women are butt watchers. (This is not just a random statement: a British study determined that these are people's favorite eyeball destinations.)But researchers have found that EVERYBODY is an eye person.
Powerful eye contact immediately stimulates strong feelings of affection. This was proved once and for all in a study called "The Effects of Mutual Gaze on Feelings of Romantic Love." Researchers put forty-eight men and women who didn't know each other in a big room. They gave them instructions on how much eye contact to have with their partners during casual conversation.Afterward, the researchers asked each participant how he or she felt about the various people they had spoken with.The results?
Those couples that were instructed to have deep eye contact with one another had increased feelings of “love” towards one another than those who did not. Simply put: Deep eye contact, from the first time you talk to your partner is very important to make him/her fall in love with you. Why does eye contact have such a strong effect? Well, it’s complicated! It has got something to do with “primal instincts” that eye contact brings about.
But, that does not matter. What matters is that, if you have an intense eye contact with your partner from the very first impression, he/she is much more likely to fall in love with you. Another reason why eye contact works according to researchers is that, eye contact is like giving a compliment.
Simply put, you would look at something that is beautiful. You would not look at something that is ugly. If you do see something that is ugly, you will immediately put your hands over your eyes or look away. When something is not that interesting the first thing that your boy does is look away. Your eyes are the first things to move.
So, if you want to convey, “You are interesting, you are beautiful etc…” without really saying it, the best way to do it would be eye contact. You might we wondering, “He/she is not going to think so much! He/she is not going to realize that I am complimenting him/her!” Well, all this happens on sub-conscious level. You just do your part and make eye contact, the “other party” will understand! If you get bored just looking at the eyes, explore the eyes.
Look at all the little color changes that make up your partner’s eyes. Look at the designs of their eyes. Look at the reflection in their eyes etc. Please note: Do not over do this also. Look away form time to time and then make eye contact again! If you just keep looking straight without blinking, you will scare him/her.
When you are talking and making eye-contact with him/her, there is another technique also that you could use. It's called “Sticky Eyes”! This is what you basically have to do:Whenever you are talking to him/her, let your eyes stay glued to his or hers a little longer—“even during the silences”. When you must look away, do so reluctantly. Drag your eyes away slowly, as though they had been stuck. This will really get your partner going! Remember the key, “Maintain eye contact for some time even during silences!”
How to have sexy eyes?
What makes your eyes sexy and inviting? Researchers say, “large pupils”.
A researcher named Dr. Eckhard Hess, demonstrated that large pupils were more sexy by showing two pictures of a woman's face to a group of men. The pictures were identical except, in one of them, the Dr. had edited the lady's pupils to make them larger. The male response to Ms. Big Pupils was twice as strong as to the same woman with small pupils.
The Dr. then reversed the experiment and showed pictures of men with enlarged pupils to women. Same positive female response to Mr. Big Pupils.If you are not really sure which part of your eye is your pupil, it does not matter.
It was found that the size of your pupil depends on what you are looking at. If you look at something that excites you or makes you happy, your pupil size will become large. If you are looking at something that is ugly, your pupil size will become smaller. So, if you want to have sexy eyes with large pupils, you will have to look at something that makes you happy or excited. When talking to him/her, try to look at some part of your partner’s face that you find most beautiful.
This will make your pupil increase in size and it will give sexy eyes. If you look at some part that is ugly, your pupils will become small and your eyes will become unattractive. So, try to look only at beautiful parts of you partner’s face. If you find nothing beautiful in your partners face, then you might want to look for a new partner!All these are just the basics. You might be wondering, all this is about what you must do once you are talking to him/her. But, what is more important is, “How do I go and talk to her?” or “How do I attract his attention?” We will discuss all this in the next section!
How to approach her? (For Men)
Without going into all the details of science, here are the generally excepted “best strategies” that men can use to approach their partner.Assume that, you are a little distance away from her, across the room/hotel etc.
Make eye contact: Maintain steady eye contact with her and hold it just a little bit too long.
Smile at her: Make sure your smile is friendly and respectful, not a dirty grin or a smirk.
Give her a nod: If she returns your gaze “within 45 seconds”, give her a nod. The nod reads, "I like you. May I talk to you?"
Move within her range: The final step is to move close enough to her to talk.
Do this last step fast. If you do not, you will look very un-confident to her.
You might be wondering what that whole 45 seconds thing was about. You see, when you look at her and hold your eye contact for a few extra seconds, be prepared for her to look away. A woman has been trained to lower her eyes when a man looks at her.
Remember: This does not mean she is not interested. Research and analysis tells us, after looking away, if the woman looks up again within 45 seconds, she welcomes your attention. So, if she pretends to look at something else and looks back at you within 45 seconds, she likes you. Go to the next step.
Give her a nod and move within her talking range.Now the question is, what do you say when you approach her?
Do you use a “pickup line” Something like, “Is your father a terrorist? Because you a bomb!”
NO! NO! NO! Do not do this. Pick up lines are just jokes. They are not supposed to be used actually. They will never work! Your opening words should relate to the woman or the current situation. Ask her what time it is. Compliment her watch or her outfit. Ask her for directions. Inquire how she knows the host or hostess of the party. Whatever you say, she knows it's just an excuse for you to talk to her. If she likes you, that's fine with her.
So be confident and just say something simple. We will come to the art of conversation a little later…
How to get him to approach you? (For Women)
Women, you may think the responsibility for the "pickup" is on the man. Surprisingly, though, research shows that women initiate two-thirds of all pickups.In the animal kingdom, wannabe-lovers attract each other by hooting, crowing, or stomping the ground.
A female chimpanzee will spot her mate, stroll up to the male, and tip her buttocks toward his nose to get his attention. Among humans too, the female will do many things to attract the male. But they are much more subtle in humans…
A researcher named Monica Moore heard that women made two-thirds of the approaches and wanted to find out exactly how they did so. So, she set up a study where she observed more than two hundred women at a party and recorded what non-verbal signals women gave to attract males. Below is a list of all the different methods and how many times that particular method was successful in attracting the male.
When we say “successful”, we mean that the particular move was successful in getting the male to come over and talk to the woman. So, if you want to get some one to notice you, you could do one of these….
Smile at him broadly (511)
Throw him a short, darting glance (253)
Dance alone to the music (253)
Look straight at him and flip your hair (139)
Keep a fixed gaze on him (117)
Look at him, toss your head, then look back (102)
"Accidentally" brush up against him (96)
Nod your head at him (66)
Point to a chair and invite him to sit (62)
Tilt your head and touch your exposed neck (58)
Lick your lips during eye contact (48)
Ask for his help with something (34)
Tap something to get his attention (8)
Shy? Do you feel he'll think you are too forward if you smile broadly at him in the crowd or "accidentally" brush up against him? He won't, because, happily, the male ego takes over! Ten minutes later, he won't even realize that he was not the one who made the initial contact. Moore, the researcher, said that men think they are making the first move when they are actually responding to women's nonverbal signals.
So, don’t be shy, cause he will not notice!
Handle everything delicately!
Especially if you are a woman, once you get him to approach you and talk to you, you must make sure that you do not give him any body language signals that scare him away.
When he comes to talk to you, even if you look in some other direction and pretend to be bored, you may scare him.
He might read this as, “she is not interested” and he might leave so that you do not reject him. So handle all this delicately. Once he is talking to you, use all those eye-contact tricks and give him your attention. Men should do the same.
Do not look away, or turn away form the woman. This will make her feel that she is being rejected and she might leave. So, basically handle all this delicately. You do not want to hurt anyone’s ego in the process. Now, still the question remains, what do you say? What do you talk about?
The art of conversation!
Conversation has very little to do with “talking”. Conversation is more about listing. Actually, it is not only about listening. It’s about understanding what your partner is trying to say and how he/she is saying it! Once you understand this, you can understand what your partner likes to talk about. If you understand this, you will be able to have a “beautiful conversation”.Now, let us try to explain a few techniques that you can use. First one is called “cherry-picking”!
What is “cherry picking”?
You see, when people talk, they choose words and phrases, even in normal conversation, that tell you what they are interested in. You basically have to listen very closely to what people say, the phrases and words they use. If you listen carefully, you will be able to pick on the clues that people give when talking. You then have to act on these clues and have to make the conversation interesting by talking to the person about what they are interested in…Here is how it works. Let us assume that you have come into talking range of your partner. How did you get here? Well, you will have to use all the information provided on the previous page to get here.
Now, here is an example:
Imagine that you get into a hotel and it is raining heavily outside.
You say something like, “My God, it’s raining heavily outside!”
Your partner says, “Hmm, at least that’s good for the plants!”
You have to immediately pick your cherry here. Why would some one say, “good for the plants” if they have nothing to do with plants?
You get a clue from this statement that your partner is interested in plants or has something to do with plants.
So, your next question should be about “plants” because that is obviously a subject that interests him/her!
So, you might ask something like, “Oh, do you have a garden?"
If he/she does have a garden, you hit gold!
You have to then listen to the answer he/she gives and you have to respond to that!
This way, you keep the conversation going!
Now, the problem is that your partner might not always give you a cherry easily.
For example, consider this conversation:
You: “My God, it’s raining heavily outside?”
Partner: “Hmm..ya!”
(Now, what you going to do? No cherry! So, you will have to try something else. For example…)You: So, do you come here often?
Partner: No! Just got in so that I don’t get wet in the rain!
(Still no cherry! Well, you will just have to keep poking with something else!)
You: It’s poring really badly now!
Partner: Well, at least it’s good for the plants!
Wohoo! You got your cherry. So use it.
Make the next question about “plants” and get your partner interested. The initial conversation will be a little boring but once you find your cherry you can make things interesting.
Few tips to help finding topics your partner will be interested in:
First: When your partner is talking, DO NOT interrupt! Let your partner talk. He/she is giving you useful information about what he/she is interested in. The more he/she talks the more he/she will tell you about what he/she is interested in. So, let your partner talk. You must listen! You must listen very carefully!Besides that, if you do not interrupt your partner while he/she is talking and you do all the eye-contact tricks, this tells you partner that you are interested in what he/she has to say! This is a very good compliment that you can give your partner without saying anything. This will make your partner instantly like you. So, do not interrupt your partner, LISTEN and listen carefully!
Besides that, when talking, it is always better to ask “open ended questions”. These will get your partner to talk more. What are “open ended questions”? Open ended questions are basically questions whose answer cannot be given in a just one or two words. Suppose you ask someone, “Do you live in Delhi?” the person will probably respond saying “Yes” or “No”! But, if you ask a question like, “Where exactly do you live?” the person is forced to say more than a few words.
For example, the person might say, “Well, I live in…..” (Basically, a longer answer with more scope for cherry picking!)So, you should try to ask open ended questions that have a long answer so that your partner will give you an elaborate answer and you can find out what is interesting to him/her. Never ask a “yes” or “no” type question. It will never give you any information about what the interests of the person are! You need to ask “open ended questions” and then listen intently for “cherries”!So, that is what “conversation” is all about.
Using the tricks we have mentioned above, you can keep a conversation going for hours! If you have a long interesting conversation the very first time you meet your partner, there is a good chance you can make your partner fall in love with you! However, when you are doing this very first conversation, make sure to maintain eye contact and use all the other eye-contact tricks from the previous paras. Now, let us assume that you have had a very good first conversation with your partner. Now the question is, “How do you get your first date?”…
How to get your first date?
Now, getting a date is a topic that is misunderstood by most people.
For men: You DO NOT have to say something like “Hey baby, would you go out with me?” etc. You have to keep the whole thing very subtle!
For women: You do not need to wait for the man to “ask you out”. You can ask him out. But again you must do it very subtly. If you do it right, he will not even notice that you asked him out. His ego will come in the way. So, what is the best way to get your first date? Basically, you have to let your partner "earn" their first date. If they "earn" their first date, they will be proud of it. And even though it will be a first date, they will not realize it!For example: Let your partner tell you how good she/he is at painting until you mention that you are looking for a painting to put up in your house and you would like to look at his/her collection. When you meet him/her to see the collection, that’s you first date. You can always extend the meeting by going out for lunch afterwards.
OR
Let your partner tell you about how much he/she likes rock music, before you tell him/her that you just happen to have 2 passes to the next rock show and your friend canceled on you!You get the basic idea. In the conversation, your partner will mention details about themselves and what they find interesting. You have to pick up on one of these details and make it the reason to meet once more. It has to be a completely logical reason and should make sense.
This will make your partner feel that you are genuinely interested in your partner and that he/she has earned the next meeting (i.e. date) For women, this technique will not make it obvious that you are asking for a date. His ego will come in the way and he will convince himself that you are interested in what he does or what skill he has etc.
For men, use this technique a little later in your first conversation. Also make sure the reason to meet is a good logical reason. Women like to feel that you appreciate them and their skills. So do not make it obvious that you are just asking for a second date, she might not be that impressed by you.
For Women
One question that women wonder about is whether they should play “Hard to get!” Should you pretend that you are not really interested? Well, if you ask a man, what kind of women he would prefer, one who plays “hard to get” or one who plays “easy to get”, most men will tell you the woman who plays “hard to get”. But unfortunately, even though this is what men say, this is not really what they feel.As study (Playing Hard to Get: Understanding an Elusive Phenomenon) was conducted to answer this question… They found that men DO NOT like women who are hard to get.
On the other hand there is a particular kind of “hard to get” that men find very attractive. Basically, a man is much more attracted to a woman if he knows that she is “hard to get” for other men but “easy to get” for him. This makes the women feel very attractive and special in the man’s eyes.
So, women, here is what you can do: Considering playing hard to get? Don't . . . with him. When he asks you for a date, respond immediately and energetically, "Oh, I'd love to!" But then, later, subtly drop hints that you're hard to get for other men. Be very subtle.
Now, the question is, what do you do on your first date?You now already know the art of conversation. If you use it well on your first date, things should stay interesting.
Here, we are going to just provide you with a few more scientifically proven tips to make your first date a even better experience…When planning your first date, try to find out what your partner finds “arousing”. Something that your partner will be “excited” or “touched” by! Something that will generate “emotions” in your partner.
If you do this, you will share an “experience” together. Firstly this will bond you to one another. Secondly, your partner will associate you with the “great feeling” that she got from the experience. For women: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach—and his wallet. When going out for food, suggest the name of a fabulous, charming, and inexpensive restaurant. He will appreciate it.
Anyways, he probably does not want to spend big bucks on you for your very first date.For men: If you're dining out on your first date, take her to a restaurant with an atmosphere like you want to project: Elegant? Calssy? Cool? Arty? Atmosphere is important because she'll transfer her feelings about the room to you.Besides that, have a good time! I am sure you will know how to handle it from here on. If you have a good time with your partner, then do not worry too much. Things will go well and your relationship will progress.
You already know a lot about conversation eye-contact etc. and all this will help you even further down the line…
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